Shocks of the Royal Wedding Coverage

1. That Fitzy and Wippa got the gig as Wedding correspondents on channel 10. You couldn't miscast a gig any more if you tried. How do two blokey ocker unfunny goons begin to cover something elegant, posh and traditional like a Royal Wedding? Their skits in the wedding lead up have been diabolical. I bet Rove McManus gave them the job. He puts all his unfunny mates in stuff.

2. That Tracey Grimshaw and Ita Buttrose are promoted as having "incredible chemistry" in their "expert commentary" yet they seem as warm and welcoming as The Queen with the Middletons.

3. How long television presenters can speculate on a wedding dress only to conclude they have no idea what it will be like.

4.  That all the "old college chums" that gave interviews on Kate and Wills were only in one class with them 10 years ago along with 300 other scholars.

5. That it started so long before the wedding that by the time of the wedding (in a few hours) you are completely over the wedding. And that everyone is broadcasting live from London, like they will get anywhere near anything.

The Smashing Biggest Loser Season

It seems the buzz word of The Biggest Loser- Families is "smash". It's employed more than the cross trainer in every episode and goes from a verb to an adjective in a single sentence. Here's my favourite smash outs;

1. " I smashed it out on the treadmill/rowing machine/etc."

2." I smashed down that food the other night."

3. " We got smashed (in the training session). My legs are smashed."

4. "Shannon smashed me out of the boxing ring."

5. "They are going to smash up on us." (I think this means the trainers are going to be extra strict."

So Hot Right Now...

1. Reunion specials- all these old casts are getting together again, a trend started by Oprah's The Sound of Music and The Colour Purple cast reunions. We've now had a reunion for Big Brother favourites and the cast of A Country Practice. I noticed The Biggest Loser and The Farmer Wants a Wife jumped on board as well with their retrospective specials this week.

2. Dame Helen Mirren- or more specifically, her breasts. They became famous in Calendar Girls and that famous red bikini shot, but now she has posed topless in a magazine and did a Saturday Night Live sketch where a female fan gets to touch them. If you still have it at that age, you can't blame her for proving it.

3. Lara from The Biggest Loser - The freshly evicted contestant owned the make over show and basically looks like a supermodel. Trainer Shannan gushed about her and everyone bawled when she got evicted. Hot hottie hot.

4. My Kitchen Rules - Finals week is here and every lame kitchen pun about turning up the heat and letting the flames begin are my new favourite gags. Go NSW, Sammy and Bella are the one's to watch!

5. Chrissie Swan - Going for a gold logie (and nominated in several other categories) is the hilarious, 80's loving, genuine and gorgeous Circle presenter who has been the breath of fresh air daytime television needed. Good luck, Chrissie, I have texted in my votes for you.

The Long and The Short of It

Having just had my very long hair cut off to become very short, I'm absolutely loving the following new freedoms...

1. No more de-tangling, blow-drying (there's an extra 40 mins a day), styling, flicking, swinging and re-doing my hair.

2. Being able to swim anywhere anytime without worrying that I will ruin my recently ghd-straightened mane. I might shower more often now too. My hair is dry in five.

3. My baby can't pull it out in large clumps.

4. I can rediscover things like earrings, make-up and eyebrows, because all I have now is my face.

5. Sleeping better- you can actually feel the pillow on your head, without the sore bump of a pony-tail or hair strewn all over the place.

I've also lost a half a kilo without exercise or diet- this haircut has given me wings.

Crying is the New Black

It seems that celebrities and pollies have finally cottoned on that the public like to see a little emotion in our leaders, but are these tears real or crocodile...?

1. Julia Gillard - After being criticised for showing no emotions during the floods, immediately after gave a teary speech with the Australian flag in Parliament. yesterday she got a little choked up when addressing the Americans in Congress. This should counter-balance the hit in the polls the carbon tax brought her. Sincerity factor: 2/5

2. Anna Bligh - Got the trend started when she went from zero to hero in her emotional, "We. Are. Queenslanders," speech that inspired her State to soldier on and regain their pride. Sincerity factor: 4.5/5

3. Nicole Kidman- Cried abut something on 60 Minutes but had to loudly state, "I can't believe I'm crying on 60 minutes," which I think she assumed would be a great sound bite for the promo, and it was. Sincerity factor: 1/5

4. Kylie Minogue- Cried on Sunday Night with Molly Meldrum, seemed teary from the get go, is probably just exhausted as well. Sincerity factor: 3/5

5. Oprah Winfrey- Cried on her last interview, I couldn't believe how long it took a crew member to hand her a tissue. Wake up, sound guy, the Queen's mascara is running. Sincerity factor: 3.5/5

Everyone cries on The Biggest Loser, My Kitchen Rules and The Farmer Wants a Wife. But what's wrong with a few tears anyway?

Why I Don't Love Russell Brand

His books are rife with his shady dealings, lying, cheating, stealing, etc, here are but a few...

1. When he moved in with his Doctor girlfriend, he secretly got a key cut so when they broke up he could go back and steal stuff from her and did. (Booky Wook)

2. He cut his drugs with other dodgy meds and then sold them to his close friends, using a toilet seat to mix the concoction.(Booky Wook)

3. He took a girlfriend with him to shoot Losing Sarah Marshall, then figured he might be able to get into Kirsten Bell's pants, so tells his girlfriend to bugger off. (Booky Wook 2)

4. Tries to be a "character" by doing stupid things like letting a mouse live in his hair, self-harming and getting arrested then trying to charm the police with whimsical banter and impeccable manners. Staggers around like a less endearing Captain Jack Sparrow.(Booky Wook)

5. Was a total sex addict and massively arrogant egotist. Can he really change? I think I'm going to have to change my "Free Katie" t-shirt to "Free Katy."

Why I Love Russell Brand

1. His two autobiographies, Booky Wook 1 and 2, are truly engrossing. His voice comes through strongly, unlike most "autobiographies" were the ghost writer is so present your house becomes haunted for the duration of the read.

2. He has great taste in women, okay, so he has had a great taste for all women. But now he has narrowed it down to some wonderful women. For example, I dig his wife, Katy Perry, I dig his idolisation of Helen Mirren and after reading his booky wooks, I dig his beloved mum, Barbara and nan.

3. He is brutally honest about himself and other celebrities in his books, even though he admits to some horrible stuff that could make fans turn on him. (See next blog)

4. He made it big from being poor boy out in Grays, Essex, with largely unhappy childhood. He has managed to stay clean and sober after being total alcoholic and crack addict.

5. Wrote and recited a beautiful poem for his nan at her funeral, as published in Booky Wook.